Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
