my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
