I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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