He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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