im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I deserve this hangover.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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