I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Small penises have feelings too.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dicks are not precious.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
