And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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