i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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