Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
