After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
