I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
