just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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