I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
