Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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