What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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