i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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