I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
