All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
