Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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