Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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