Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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