Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
