I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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