I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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