I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize