Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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