my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize