with your own penis?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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