There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
