Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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