You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
