I could have mohawked her pubes.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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