she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize