I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My ATM looks so different sober.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
