Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Two words: nipple clamps
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