grandma shit on top of the toilet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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