Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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