I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
