Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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