one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
