Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found puke in my bra..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We left the knife in your bed.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
