my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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