Where is the hickey?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
