I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
