Already got asked if we're dating
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
