Grow some girl-balls and come out already
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My dick has a subreddit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
