I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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