I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
