shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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