That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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