My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
