Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
