I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
