I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want to make out with him forever
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
