pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
