no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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