I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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