He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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