i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
