Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
