we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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