You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
