I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
