remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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