6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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