This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
