he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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