I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
