So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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