Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
