so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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