No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
