Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My ATM looks so different sober.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize