As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
