This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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