I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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