bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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