Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
