OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
