Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
